Special Feature: LOST

Yes, I have finally finished every episode of the series Lost in its entirety. I have followed the ups, downs, and sideways flashes of the survivors of Oceanic 815 from beginning to end. I know there are a lot of mixed feelings floating around about the series final episode, and all though I won't ruin any plot points in this feature, I would just like to inform all who have ever wanted to watch Lost, or like myself started the series and never finished, now is your time to do so. I personally found the finale to be perfect in every way, it answered all the major questions, while leaving a few mysteries hanging around out there. In my mind there is no better way to end this monumental and ground breaking series. From beginning to end Lost moved me, provoked me, and kept me coming back episode after episode. So thank you Lost, it has been a hell of a run, and I plan to buy the complete series to shelve in its entirety, because in my opinion it will be a long time before you see another Lost out there.

News: Timothy Olyphant To Be The New Snake Plisskin?

After a talk with the new Escape From New York remake director Breck Eisner stated to MovieFone.com that his work with Olyphant didn't end with the lack luster suspense thriller The Crazies saying: "...but I will work with him (Olyphant) again. I promise."

Special Feature: DvD Tuesday

Week of 6/22/2010

New to DvD this week:

-She's Out of My League

-Green Zone

-Remember Me

-Percy Jackson & the Olympians

-The Last Station

Pick of the Week:

Not the best movie I've ever seen, but hey in a week full of sub-par releases, a Matt Damon super soldier flick isn't really the worst thing you could pickup, I suggest the blue ray version for the commentary.

Review: Jonah Hex

72 minutes. The lamest, saddest, and worst spent hour and twelve minutes I have ever wasted in my entire life. Jonah Hex isn't just an awful movie, it's so bad that the only thing redeeming about the ENTIRE thing is that it is only 72 minutes of time that you will waste if you mistakenly wonder into the hell that is this piece of cinema shit. I mean seriously, I don't know where to start.

Summary: Jonah Hex watches his entire family slaughtered by John Malkovich's character who I refuse to give the respect of naming, then J Malk brands his face with the fucking KC Masterpiece logo. Hex mourns for 5 minutes, decides BBQ logos aren't his style and burns the fuck out of his face which turns the brand into a charred up cheek vagina. This leads to him mounting up on a horse with machine guns on the side for one scene, as he becomes the Punisher's lesser half-brother. Not to mention that he meets up with Megan Fox who should fire her speech coach, because instead of the western saloon girl, her voice has made her the retarded hooker from Tennessee.

{face vagina}

Fuck this movie. Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex mumbles every damn line to the point where I needed subtitles to understand anything he said, not to mention anytime he walked into a saloon, store, house, etc. the nearest person has to say "Hex". I mean is that Jonah Hex's magic demon power? Making people say his name? Oh no sorry, he can talk to dead people, there we go that makes a hell of a lot more sense right? Megan Fox sucks. Malkovich sucks worse. Will Arnett is a pointless cameo. Fassbender (300, Inglorious Basterds) is barely passable. The plot has dead ends, and even the soundtrack is a piece of shit. Sets are ok I guess, but it looks like Wild Wild West only it is probably better (Wild Wild West that is).

Please god avoid this movie at all costs, it is a waste of money, time, and honestly you would have more fun reading your fucking chemistry text books. It is stupid, half hearted, and should be sent to the cinema graveyard asap.

Pros

-none

Cons

-awful movie

-fans of the comic should be offended

Verdict

0 shots

(hand me the gun, I'm blowing my fucking brains out)

Dear Roger Ebert...

As many of you who visit Riot SCR Shot may know, the Riot Network Crew is always open to the opinions of others, even when they do not necessarily coincide with our opinions on matters. I recently visited the web page of a man I once respected in the film world, this man is the Chicago Sun-Time's Roger Ebert. While on the famous film critic's page I stumbled across an article that grabbed my attention. The article [which I will be sure to post in the Riot Links section of the page] is a detailed essay about how video games "will never be art". Not only after reading this was I upset, but I felt that I was insulted. Gaming is one of my passions, and to have a man I once respected deny them as an art form on the same level as cinema was heartbreaking. I encourage all gamers and film lovers alike to read this and to understand that gaming is an art form it is a passion that all gamers hold very high and to have someone belittle it is just unforgivable. So from myself (Sam) and the rest of the Riot Crew, we would like to say: "Fuck You Mr. Ebert."